PRIDE

I haven't made a post to my blog in a while and was reminded of that when chatting with a friend last night.  I try to post positive, encouraging and uplifting things since, generally, I am that sort of person.  However, I've been a little down lately and didn't want to be a Negative Nancy and dump on anyone.  I realize though that hard times fall on everyone and that the purpose of the blog is to share my experiences, good and bad, as I make my way through this transition (or quarter life crisis as the DMN so eloquently put it an article I was interviewed for).  So, I'm going to keep it real and post my thoughts and feelings they way they should be posted...raw! 

In light of my current situation, I've been battling a lot of emotions.  My most recent struggle is with pride.  Pride is an interesting concept, isn't it.  It's something that is good and encouraged in certain situations and is frowned upon in other situations.  Pride is something that is instilled and deserved in some and delusionally self-imposed in others.  Some say it's self-esteem, others say it's a sin.  It's both a virtue a vice.  Unfortunately, my particular brand of pride is definitely a vice.

This week makes 5 months that I've been unemployed.  At first I was okay with it because I had a plan.  I was okay with it because I had unemployment benefits to pay my bills, which had been drastically reduced since moving home with Mom.  I was okay with it because I was returning to school to pursue a new career.  Most importantly, I was okay with it because I knew it would be temporary.  I got my first job at 14 years old and have always been employed since then.  The longest I've gone without work and the longest I've actively searched for work, before now of course, is about 2 weeks.  Maybe I was delusional or too confident in my abilities but I was so sure that I would have found something by now, even with the transition into a new field and having no experience. 

Needless to say, that hasn't happened yet.  I have applied for what seems like hundreds of jobs.  At first my search was health care specific.  I know that I won't be finished with my Medical Assisting and Phlebotomy certifications until later this year but thought it'd be pretty easy to get a job as a receptionist or front office clerk in a medical office.  As it turns out, that's not so easy.  Who knew that one needed 2 or more years experience to answer phones?  After months with no luck, I decided to include Advertising and Marketing positions in my search since that is what I've done for the last 7 years.  Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, there are no jobs in that industry available either.  Finally, I decided I should start applying for any and everything.  I thought, who cares if it's not something that I love, it's only for a few months until I'm finished with this medical program.

Herein the lies problem...I've got a ridiculous amount of pride that is hindering me.  It's bad enough that I was laid off, moved back home and can't find a job.  But now the only available jobs out there are those that pay $7-$8 per hour, part-time, and include cold calling or side orders of fries and the inevitable taking of crap from the general public.  I didn't mind taking crap from my clients at the ad agency because I was getting paid pretty well to do it.  But having to take crap from some Joe Blow because I'm calling his house in the middle of King of the Hill or because his order wasn't super sized is not my idea of progress.  As petty as it is, I am really bothered by this.  I keep thinking, what if I'm at the register checking someone out and look up to see it's someone I went to high school with who never got to see me in my glory days (i.e. fab job, fab apartment, fab life).  Or, what if the Decaf Grande Nonfat Extra Hot Light Foam Caffe Latte that I'm preparing is for an intern, now executive, that I once trained.  The thought of it makes me want to find a hole to hide in. 

Pride...to proud to get a hourly position to pay my car note.  It's ridiculous right?  Pride doesn't pay the bills and beggars can't be choosers.  That said, I've swallowed the big pill that is my pride and am looking for a job wherevere I can be hired.  That includes the Starbucks around the corner although I feel there's something a little sad about a 30-year old barista.  It also includes the new grocery store being built in the area for which I'm attending a "cashier career fair".  It's time to put the pride aside.  I will continue to aggressively seek a job in health care but won't turn down any other opportunities that come my way just because I don't want to wear an ugly uniform.

I do find comfort in knowing that 6 or 7 months from now the economy will be on an upswing (hopefully) and that with my new certifications in Medical Assisitng and Phlebotomy I can once again join the professional workforce.  My journey won't end there...I will go on to continue working towards my Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and apply to PA School, Pharmacy School, hell - maybe even Medical School.  And that's something to be proud of!