Ready to Rumble

As I look back at the past several months, I notice that 2009 has been a tough year for me. I didn’t really notice how tough until recently. I had literally been “rolling with the punches”. But this past week has been particularly rough. This week, we lost the matriarch of our family and buried my 80-year-old grandmother. The hardest-hitting blow of the year came this week.

Prior to this extremely sad occurrence, there were a few other rumbles with life this year. I got a blow to my ego when I packed my things and moved back in with my mother in order to go back to school. Losing my job in the midst of a heavy recession knocked me down. A couple of health scares and ER visits for my family members struck hard. There were other bouts, personal and professional, here and there and I felt like I was on the ropes sometimes. But through all of this, I’ve learned so many lessons and truly believe I am stronger because of it. I’ve developed a strong defense and a sharp offense. I’ve learned to bob & weave and stick & move. I’ve learned to be a fighter. My Grandma Hazel was a fighter. My mother and sister and aunts are fighters. Having strong women in my life and following their examples is all the training I need.

I remember coming home from school one day and telling my Mom that some girl wanted to fight me. I was in junior high and I was scared! I had never been in a real physical altercation before (and I still haven’t, cute girls don’t squabble!) and I didn’t know what to do. My mother told me that while she didn’t condone fighting, that if the girl insisted on fighting me I shouldn’t just lie there and get my butt kicked. She wanted me to stand up for myself and fight back. So I went back to school and told the girl that I wasn’t scared of her and would fight her if she fought me. Luckily, the girl had detention or something at the time of our scheduled match and her desire to beat me down fizzled after a while (whew…close one!). But the point that my mother made when I was 13 was a good one and one that I need to remember at almost 30. Don’t just lie there and get your butt kicked!

When times are tough and life is hard, it’s easy to make yourself a victim and give yourself a big ‘ole pity party. It’s easy to whine and sulk and channel Eeyore, thinking that everything is happening TO you.

I know that I’ve been guilty of it, but I won’t be anymore. I’ll remember what my mama told me. I’ll remember 1 Corinthians 10:13. I’ll remember that there is no testimony without a test. Most importantly, I’ll remember my Grandma Hazel – her life, her fight and her victory!

I had lost my positive outlook for a little while. I had lost sight of the great things life has to offer and the blessings. I had gotten tired and lost my will to fight. But only for a moment y’all…I’m back! I’m challenging my positive energy. I’m living in great expectation…asking, believing and receiving.  I’m looking forward to a fabulous and fruitful 2010…two weeks to go! And I won’t let life just hand me butt-whippings, I’ll go the distance!

There's No Place Like Home

Where does a 29-year-old, single, unemployed woman go? A woman that has decided to make a change, go back to school and pursue a new career? She goes home, of course! At least that’s what I decided to do. After mulling it over for a while, seeking advice from friends and ironing out the details with Mom, I decided to pack up my things and my puppy and I moved back home. You know what? Dorothy was right, there’s no place like it!

I have to admit, I was MORE than a little apprehensive at first. I have been living alone since the age of 22 and had a roommate for the three years before that. I was feeling like Miss Independent, having finally gained control of my life. I had a good job in Advertising, a nice place in pretty cool part of town and a cute little ride. I was traveling regularly, dining out frequently and overall just enjoying my life and my friends. But all of that can change overnight. The next thing you know, I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do with myself after being laid off. It just so happens that this was the third lay-off of my seven year career in Advertising. My first instinct – jump ship and get out of that industry. I’d had enough of the ups and downs that go along with the Ad business and wanted off the roller coaster. That then begged the question, “what now?” I had a hunch that my job was in jeopardy and had already begun working on Plan B, which included professional school and a new career. But how would I get from point A to point B? Could I go to school and work full-time? Obviously I wouldn’t be making the same salary I had been starting at the bottom in a new field – how would I support myself? What about my bills? These questions and more began to swirl around in my head, almost to the point of eruption, when my Mom had an idea. She asked me, “why don’t you move home?”

Why don’t I move home? The thought hadn’t really crossed my mind. I had already left the nest, could I go back? The more I pondered, it sounded like a great idea - I should move home! I’d be able to take a lesser paying job because I wouldn’t have expensive rent to pay. I’d actually be able to save some money. I’d be able to concentrate on school without the weight and worry of making ends meet. What a blessing to be able to move back home! I was decided, I was home bound. That excitement lasted about two weeks! Those were the first two weeks of unemployment when I was a busy bee – I had personal business to get in order, errands to run that I never had time to run before. I also enjoyed a little me time, it was like a mini-vacation. But then it hit me…I have no job and have to move home. Not sure when the situation changed in my head from “choosing” to move home to “having” to move home, but it did. Enter my drama-queen, depression phase – “I’m a loser!”, “I’m almost 30 and have to move home!”, “I’m a burden!”, “What happened to my life?” The most important points were evading me. I was so blessed - I had a future, I had a plan…and the very most important, I had a home to go back to! So silly of me for not wanting to take advantage of an awesome opportunity to further my education, gain experience through volunteer work (and hopefully a real job soon) in a rewarding field like Health Care and to enjoy my Mother and being able to bond with her.

Technically, I don’t have to be out of my apartment until the end of this week. But knowing there would be a significant transition period, not just for me but for my Mom and puppy too, I thought it best to ease into it and try make it as smooth as possible. So, I brought just a few things over on Thanksgiving. We enjoyed a happy holiday with friends and I settled into the guest room for the night. And the next night. And then I brought more things over. And then stayed over again the next night. Here we are on the fourth night and so far so good. No one has killed anyone. There’s enough space that we’re not getting on each other’s nerves. Even the puppy has gotten acclimated. And mom, who’s not a dog-lover, has found a soft spot for Roman (I think).  I complete my move later this week and then it will be official.

So yes, there is no place like home. Home is familiar, comfortable and safe.
H – home is Heart and where love is.

O – home is Open and welcoming.

M – home is Memories and a place to make new ones.

E – home is Everything good.

I am so grateful to have a place to call home!

Color Complex

Okay, I've said it before and I'll say it again...there are A LOT of black folks out there with a "color complex"! Wait, I retract that statement.  It would be more accurate to say that there are a lot of people of color with a complex about complexion.  Specifically, dark complexions.  It's disturbing really.  This "complex" became evident to me as a child.  It became even more evident to me as a teen when I began dating.  Even now as an adult, I am often offended when I witness someone infecting others, even worse their kids, with their own personal hang-ups on color.  The interesting thing is that this complex isn't exclusive to the African-American community.  I've learned that other minority groups - Hispanics and East Indians, etc. - have the same issue with dark skin.


What led to me write about this today is a recent picture I saw on the internet of Sammy Sosa.  I know you've probably seen it and read all about it, but just in case, here is Mr. Sosa before and after...

I don't even need to post pictures of the late, great Michael Jackson because you all know what happened there.  While Mike blamed the drastic change in his complexion on Vitiligo, Sammy attributes his lighter skin tone to a cream meant to soften (the bleaching is supposedly a side effect).  I had a friend in high school who used skin bleaching cream to lighten her skin.  I saw an episode of The Tyra Banks show where a woman admitted to washing her children's faces with Clorox to lighten their skin.  We've all heard of the brown paper bag "test" they used to do back in the day.  It goes on and on...     

Anyway, my question is this - what the hell?!?!?!?  Seriously, what is going on?  Some say that this loathing of dark skin goes way back to the days of slavery and the light "house negro" vs. the dark "field negro".  Others say it's a function of Society and the idea of beauty that has been imposed on us.  Really???  Can we not get past that?  Will we just continue to let this ignorance destroy our self images and those of our children and grandchildren?  This has gone on long enough and has created a significant divide in our communities.  As cliche as it sounds, black really IS beautiful!  I know plenty of gorgeous dark skinned women and handsome dark skinned men.  God made us this stunning array of color for a reason.  We aren't meant to all look alike.  Furthermore, we are made in His image so however we look is exactly the way He wanted us.  Let's embrace ourselves the way we are.  Let's encourage others to do the same. 

Here are some examples of the ignorant crap I've heard over the years:

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  "Coffee makes you black"
  
  
  
  
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  "Dark skinned people are evil"
  
  
  
  
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  "You're pretty for a dark (or black) girl"
  
  
  
  
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  Dark skinned people can only wear blue
  
  
  
  

Let's put an end to this B.S.  The fact that it remains such a prominent issue in our communities is ridiculous.  Can we move on please???

Introduction

So...I decided to start a blog. Why? Not because my life is particularly interesting or anything that a complete stranger would be compelled to read.  And I don’t find myself to be incredibly deep or feel that I have some prolific voice that must be heard.  I decided to blog because I’m experiencing a great deal of transition in my life right now and thought that this would be a great outlet for me and a way to document all of these changes. A friend of mine recently started a blog about a new personal journey that she’s taking and I got inspired. I actually read quite a few blogs on various topics and thought to myself, “Hey, I can do this!” So, here I am...maybe someone else will read my words, relate to my situation and be inspired themselves.


You know, I actually really enjoy writing – it’s what I used to want to do with my life. When I was younger I wrote poetry and short stories. I used to keep all of these diaries and journals. Tragically, I trashed them all after a bad college breakup. This dude’s name was scribbled all too often throughout roughly three years worth of journals. I didn’t want him, or my thoughts of him, to linger. Too bad though…I’m sure the journals would make for entertaining reading now. I could have written a book.  Seriously, mine was the original “He’s Just Not That Into You”!  But anyway, since then...life happened, I pursued other dreams and I never got back to writing like I used to.  I'm glad to start putting my thoughts on paper (or in this case, out in cyberspace) again. 


Not to mention that I have a bit more time on my hands now. I was laid off from my job in Advertising a couple of months ago (wow – can’t believe it’s already been a couple of months). I would say that I’m suffering from the loneliness of unemployment but…that would be...dramatic (and the last thing I am is dramatic, right?) I am used to keeping super busy though and am having to adjust to this slower pace.  I’ve decided to make a career change and get out of “the biz” (not that there are many Ad gigs out there now anyway). So, it’s a little slow moving. In the meantime, when I’m not looking and applying for jobs, not studying (yep, back in school at damn near 30) and not volunteering at the hospital (yes I'm a germaphobe and yes I'm going into healthcare) …I have all of this time to sit, stare and reflect on life. I’d love to call up my boyfriend, my friends and family to share all the theories and epiphanies that I’ve come up with but guess what?  They have jobs that keep them busy all day!  I've already been reprimanded for excessive texts during working hours!  But seriously, I’m now pursuing a path that will actively utilize the left side of my brain and I’ll need some sort of creative outlet to balance it all out.


So, what to blog about? Hmmm, how about...everything!  Life, love, work, play, body, mind, spirit...I'll talk about it all.  I don’t know if there are rules about blogging or if I’m supposed to stick to a central topic or something. But life in general is a series of random events and my posts will likely be random too. So, to whoever is reading…enjoy my random musings!