Prior to this extremely sad occurrence, there were a few other rumbles with life this year. I got a blow to my ego when I packed my things and moved back in with my mother in order to go back to school. Losing my job in the midst of a heavy recession knocked me down. A couple of health scares and ER visits for my family members struck hard. There were other bouts, personal and professional, here and there and I felt like I was on the ropes sometimes. But through all of this, I’ve learned so many lessons and truly believe I am stronger because of it. I’ve developed a strong defense and a sharp offense. I’ve learned to bob & weave and stick & move. I’ve learned to be a fighter. My Grandma Hazel was a fighter. My mother and sister and aunts are fighters. Having strong women in my life and following their examples is all the training I need.
I remember coming home from school one day and telling my Mom that some girl wanted to fight me. I was in junior high and I was scared! I had never been in a real physical altercation before (and I still haven’t, cute girls don’t squabble!) and I didn’t know what to do. My mother told me that while she didn’t condone fighting, that if the girl insisted on fighting me I shouldn’t just lie there and get my butt kicked. She wanted me to stand up for myself and fight back. So I went back to school and told the girl that I wasn’t scared of her and would fight her if she fought me. Luckily, the girl had detention or something at the time of our scheduled match and her desire to beat me down fizzled after a while (whew…close one!). But the point that my mother made when I was 13 was a good one and one that I need to remember at almost 30. Don’t just lie there and get your butt kicked!
When times are tough and life is hard, it’s easy to make yourself a victim and give yourself a big ‘ole pity party. It’s easy to whine and sulk and channel Eeyore, thinking that everything is happening TO you.
I know that I’ve been guilty of it, but I won’t be anymore. I’ll remember what my mama told me. I’ll remember 1 Corinthians 10:13. I’ll remember that there is no testimony without a test. Most importantly, I’ll remember my Grandma Hazel – her life, her fight and her victory!
I had lost my positive outlook for a little while. I had lost sight of the great things life has to offer and the blessings. I had gotten tired and lost my will to fight. But only for a moment y’all…I’m back! I’m challenging my positive energy. I’m living in great expectation…asking, believing and receiving. I’m looking forward to a fabulous and fruitful 2010…two weeks to go! And I won’t let life just hand me butt-whippings, I’ll go the distance!
